I recently had a conversation with some nice folks imparting what little wisdom I have about Kratom after using it for 15 years - from the perspective of a consumer - and it came up that it could be useful to share this with other folks so here it is.

User 1, [23:42]
[In reply to karma]
I got tired of popping like 18 caps to get a good dosage.

User 2, [23:43]
I've thought about doing kratom. They have it in gas stations and some dispensaries around here. Is that stuff really that good???

User 1, [23:46]
[In reply to User 2]
Feels like a glorified caffeine to me

User 2, [23:48]
[In reply to User 1]
So I could essentially get the same effects from drinking a monster?

User 1, [23:48]
No 😂

User 1, [23:48]
Not quite

User 2, [23:48]
Plus there's so many different versions of it I don't even know which one is the best

User 1, [23:48]
Oh yeah lol, the different veins.

User 1, [23:48]
K would be more knowledgeable than me on that tbh

User 1, [23:49]
He could probably explain it better than I could too

User 2, [23:49]
I think he's messing with kratom right now

karma, [23:56]
it's not about the veins it's about the strains

karma, [23:56]
see i bought a kilo once

karma, [23:56]
i was like 18

karma, [23:56]
and it may as well have been bagged tea the lot of it

karma, [23:56]
i ate a whole oz over 3 hours and got nothing

karma, [23:57]
i'm not a pot strain kind of guy i don't pay any attention to them i just go by looks

karma, [23:57]
you can't do that with kratom powder

karma, [23:57]
so back in the day this one strain came around that was priced a buck an oz more across the board and they called it DA PIMPS KRATOM because kratom vendors of the era were rather unsophisticated

karma, [23:57]
you want that Maeng Da - if it is real it is always consistent. There may be better strains but if you want the old gold standard this is it.3

karma, [23:57]
doesn't really matter what vein

karma, [23:58]
i just got two kilos with 200g each of all different strains and veins. I have all sorts of different coloured veins of Maeng Da. People make a lot of fuss about the different effects of different colours. I have found that white/gold TEND to be the strongest but this is never always the case. Taste around and find the strain and vein that is right for you, but don't go by the bulls*** that "all red strains are 'more uplifting' and all green strains are 'more sedating'. This is f***ing nonsense marketing, kratom by and large is kratom. There is more potent kratom and less potent kratom and sure the alkaloid profiles are all different but the one we really care about bar none is mitragynine.

karma, [23:58]
some of them i've never tried before

karma, [23:58]
and i don't remember a lot of them because these days they come and go like pot strains

karma, [23:58]
but you can always rely on real Maeng Da to get you off on 7 grams

karma, [23:58]
that's all i'm taking at a time spaced throughout the day these days

karma, [23:58]
and i even get a little high

karma, [23:58]
if i wasn't an experienced user i would only need to do it once in the morning and i'd be high all day

karma, [23:58]
NOW. extracts.

karma, [00:00]
ok so tinctures: avoid them, except for the O.P.M.S mini liquid shots. these are expensive as f***, only available in america - or at least outside of canada because they are more "consumable" than the O.P.M.S branded gel caps but each one is tuned to about 110mg and there is your sweet spot. despite being expensive as f*** and tasting like an old man they are one of the quickest and least bulky (this is important) ways of getting your fix.

karma, [00:00]
raw leaf: HELL. NO. you do NOT want to make tea with this s***. that's just taking a horrible taste and making it go longer and it takes so many grams of raw powder to get off that, if you strained the tea it would take a litre and twice the plant material to get the same volume of alkaloids and if you didn't strain the tea you would literally be drinking kratom sludge. CAPSULES. ONLY. it is the ONLY worthwhile way of administering kratom.

karma, [00:00]
pure mitagynine extracts: nah. i have always found them weaker than full-spectrum. something about having the full alkaloid palette is important even though the amounts of the lesser two dozen alkaloids seems rather unimportant. also for some reason i have found these tend to induce the kratom migraine easier than other routes, other than tinctures.

karma, [00:00]
full spectrum mitagynine extracts: yes, but expensive, but how you want to get high without eating a s***load of caps if that is what is important to you.

karma, [00:00]
"enhanced strains": mmmyeah mostly

karma, [00:01]
this one notorious one came around called UEI for Ultra Enhanced Indo and i had such a good relationship with one of the only vendors that didn't f*** around with buttcoin and took manly credit cards that they eventually gave me a personalized discount code and then had me call them on their cell to order at a flat bulk rate

karma, [00:01]
this s*** was so good you could do one or two caps and get off for the whole day

karma, [00:01]
but it was a**PENSIVE

karma, [00:01]
but because it was so potent it was WORTH the idk 700 bucks an oz i was spending

karma, [00:02]
compare to regular kratom leaf powder at 10-13/oz

karma, [00:02]
what they do there is take mitragynine full spectrum extract and add it back to a bit of leaf powder

karma, [00:02]
for some reason this combination is harder hitting than just the extract and obviously s***tonnes harder than the plain leaf

karma, [00:02]
now a few years ago UEI disappeared much to the chagrin of the entire elite kratom using world. like this s*** had a reputation.

karma, [00:03]
but a bunch of people have started making enhanced extracts with all sorts of strains

karma, [00:03]
now

karma, [00:03]
because it's a hodgepodge, real UEI (there were fakes) used to come from only one distributor, it's buyer beware

karma, [00:03]
so if you go this route you want to get a couple grams of each one you want to try or you can rely on reviews that you can google up or reddit up or whatever the f*** ever

karma, [00:04]
then when you find your gal stick the f*** with her and try to get a bulk deal

User 1, [00:06]
I have a Kratom shop in my area so it was really simple for them to set me up with a pack of caps just because I'm a beginner

karma, [00:06]
ugggghhhh generally try to avoid brick and mortars for kratom

User 1, [00:06]
I was just trying it

User 1, [00:06]
I'm not as into it as you are lol

karma, [00:07]
they tend to have ridiculous markups and the commercial brands which are a very silly markup

karma, [00:07]
even if you are just trying it out you will probably find better ways from the comfort of your own home online

karma, [00:07]
ALSO you want to aim for ~110mg of mitragynine for a solid trip. but you should know about the kratom headache. obviously it varies by user but there is a ceiling to the dosing where you will end up with a debilitating headache and zero high.

User 2, [00:07]
It's better to buy it online?

karma, [00:07]
oh my yes

karma, [00:08]
brick and mortars especially just head shops are notorious for charging 3x for leaf powder and then there are the commercial brands which can be $60 for say 2 O.P.M.S gold capsules

karma, [00:08]
each capsule has the requisite mg in it to get you f***ed but you can get f***ed for sooooooo much less money even buying other extract based s*** online

karma, [00:08]
buy a bag of capsules it's your only hope

karma, [00:09]
if you buy anything precapped it will have a markup of at least 33% usually double

karma, [00:10]
now if you do get gel caps and you have found something you like if it is not an extract or enhanced leaf powder just straight leaf powder you need a capsule making machine because doing them all by hand will drive you mental

karma, [00:10]
on amazon there are new chinese fancy ones that do 100 at a time for $30

karma, [00:10]
i have one but it's more complicated to use than the two i have that i'm used to that's the old standard Cap-M-Quick "machine"

karma, [00:11]
this will make 50 capsules size 0 or 00 or if you get the model you really want size 00 or 000 within about 10 minutes

User 2, [00:11]
[In reply to karma]
How expensive is that?

User 1, [00:11]
I use the ole shove em in the caps with your finger method

karma, [00:11]
then you need to make sure you get the right size capsules off amazon

karma, [00:11]
gel caps are $30 a bag of 1000 on amazon

karma, [00:11]
you want the 000 ones if you are serious and want to save time

karma, [00:12]
[In reply to User 1]
ok i'm going to save your life here

karma, [00:13]
you fold a piece of paper and lay it back down flat. you dump the s*** in the middle and you take each half in each paw and you jam jam jam them together in the middle of the pile until they won't jam anymore. make sure there is some slack and then fix the capsule together. repeat. this is if you have enough powder for more than one capsule. otherwise take the paper and use the crease to sluice the material into the larger end of the capsule capsule